Thoughts on a football Saturday

I hate games! Not the kind lovers play (although those stink too) but the kind everyone else seems to love. From football to monopoly to red rover... I do not enjoy them.

First of all, I can never remember the rules. That makes me feel stupid.

Second, I hate competition. Why do people constantly have to find ways to be better, faster, stronger, smarter, better-looking, richer, more successful, etc., than someone else? I hate that. I mean, what's the point?

Third, I can't understand extrinsic motivation. Competing for money or a prize or working for brownie buttons or grades, or even for praise or to go to heaven -- it's meaningless to me. If I don't get some pleasure out of what I'm doing, no amount of extrinsic reward is going to motivate me.

I think I am the only person in the world who feels this way.

When I was in elementary school and there was going to be a test, the teacher would say, "Now children, we're going to play a game." I would sigh... Then when I found out we were really having a test, I was happy. I much preferred tests to games. I like answering questions on questionnaires. I like filling in blanks. It's fun! (Not tests where I don't know the answers, of course, that's no fun. Like math tests. Ick.)

This is really really weird, I know.

So I'm constantly pretending! Because in American culture this attitude is unheard of. I pretend, at least, to tolerate games. Sometimes I pretend to enjoy them. What makes it easier is trying to identify with the feelings of those who love them. I have good friends who are very competitive. They have described to me how it feels, how much they enjoy competition, how it gives them a rush. So I try to understand, just like I understand that some people enjoy cooking (I don't) and gardening (I don't) and shopping (I don't).

So I can cheer for my student who is a football star this year. I can gather with my friends and drink beer and celebrate the Ducks' football successes, but I do it for the camaraderie with friends, and it's hard for me to resist making fun of the announcers, "..he's here to play ball..." "..end over end bouncer down the endline.." "..you gotta be serious about playing football.." "..when you dive over the top of people it really exposes the ball.." "if there's a word in the dictionary called escapability.." "..I mean that ball was just rollin' rollin' rollin'.." "..and Oregon threatening again.."

It's hilarious when you take the comments out of context, but I try to keep my thoughts to myself. Because no one else gets it.

On the other hand, I just can't get upset when "our" team loses, which is rather liberating. It's just a game after all. Still, I have compassion for the losers.

Surely I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Maybe other people are pretending too?